A newer system to set goals you can actually achieve.
I think SMART goals are amazing and use them as a tool for myself and when working with folks consulting with me, especially Neurodivergent folks. The framing of goals to be relevant to you, actually attainable, specific to a degree that you actually know when it’s achieved (versus the constant arbitrary new years goal of “workout”) are all amazing points that make a goal much more likely to be achieved. The time-bound piece is obviously important for accountability too, but this is where I start to re-think the whole model.
Smart Goals, but it’s missing something…
I was working with someone who inspired this blog post, shoutout to that lovely human, and they said the most brilliant thing:
“Yeah, goals aren’t just about what is on the paper, it’s about your reality at the moment that you try to meet the goal”
Let me repeat that for the people in the back:
Goals are not just about what is on the paper. They are about your reality at the moment you try to meet that goal.
Let’s unpack what this means.
I love metaphors and examples, so let’s go with the goal of wanting to try therapy.
GOAL: “I want to try therapy”
SMART GOAL: “I want to attend 3 therapy sessions before July 1st with a therapist I took time to find and feel is a good fit, because I am lacking joy and motivation in my life and want to get back into feeling energized and enjoying the things I normally do.”
Specific 3 therapy sessions, with someone I like, before July 1st, because I want to enjoy things again.
Measureable I can see if I’ve attended three sessions, and I will know if I’m more energized and finding more joy by how much I engage in things I love, smile, laugh, etc.
Attainable I have benefits so I can afford it, I have friends who have tried therapy so I trust that it’s worth it and I’m willing to try, and I’m putting in the effort to research a great therapist first so I feel connected to the process. I know I used to enjoy things a lot more, so I believe I can again with some help!
Relevant Feeling apathetic is wearing on my relationships, it’s impacting my work and home life, and just in general changes my inner self-talk to be a lot more negative. This isn’t something I know how to fix alone, and while my support network is great this just feels like the right time to seek professional care.
Time-Bound I think 3 sessions will be a good start to ensure I’m giving the process a try, and giving myself time to start by July I can stay committed to doing my research and picking the right therapist.
Ok, so what’s the problem Ashleigh? Now they can just “do the thing.”
Well…SMART Goals run into two problems:
One, they haven’t asked us to break down the goal into manageable steps.
Two, the goal is static and fixed based on what we said and had available at the time of making it. What we need is to expand this system so that it can be broken down and flexible.
Breaking it Down.
This concept has been the biggest game changer I have tried for setting and achieving my goals/tasks. Basically you “break down” your larger goal into smaller more manageable goals that step by step build up into achieving the BIG THING. A wise old man (my dad) once stopped my panic attack by asking “How do you eat an elephant?” Being his daughter, I sarcastically replied, “One bite at a time?” And he smugly said, “Exactly.”
My elephant tattoo, a reminder to do things “one piece at a time”
If you wanted to “eat a whole elephant” you would never be able to sit down and have it in one bite. But, slowly over time if you took it piece by piece, it may actually be possible. (Please note my dad and I don’t eat elephants, we just like metaphors).
Let’s try with our therapy example:
The SMART GOAL is to start therapy before the summer and attend three sessions. We could break that down into:
Talk to people in my circle about where they found their therapists, or where they think are good places to look for one.
Take that data and spend 20-30 minutes on Sunday looking into potential therapists and create a list or document that has their pricing and contact information so I can compare and contrast.
Contact my benefits so I can understand exactly how much I have to spend on therapy and can go in with a plan relative to my finances.
(and so on, and so on, until we’ve done THE THING and started going to therapy.)
Why does this work? Some brains simply flourish from having smaller goals slowly progress them because of the dopamine hits along the way. No matter how SMART the goal is, if it feels too big, we’ll struggle to intiate action. Try websites like goblin tools to break down your tasks for you. I have made lists for things as simple as “I need to clean my room” to more complicated things like “How do I do my Canadian Taxes?” and it gives continous options to break things down right to my favourite task “just think about cleaning your room” CHECK, DONE!
While breaking things down helps to make our goals possible, it’s in how we frame the goal that matters most. Goals are based on the reality you are in when you try to do them.
The Concept of Timey Wimey
“It’s meant to be flexible and based on your present reality”
I can write the smartest of SMART goals and break it down to the tiniest of actions, but if I wake up the next day and had a horrible sleep, my cat knocked over a plant, and there’s construction going on outside my window – well, my goals are going to look A LOT different then when I wrote them.
Let’s go to our therapy goal, it may change if my pet dies and now I’m grieving. It may change if I start to tell my support network my goal and they are able to offer me suggestions that save me time from researching. Point is, positive or negative impacts on our life can influence how we view a goal. And if when dedicate ourselves to this rigorous all important process of putting a SMART goal onto paper, and forget to allow space and grace for the reality of the present moment in our bodies, mind, and soul at the time of implementing those goals – we may be setting ourselves up for failure despite the well thought out goal.
F.A.R.T. goals is not a new fancy acronym, sorry about that, it was just to grasp your attention. I do still think F is a needed addition to the SMART system, alongside BD, and would like to offer the option of SMARF-BD goals moving forward! (See not as catchy as FART)
Specifying our goal means we can feel grounded and articulate confidently what it is we are doing. Rather than some nebulous concept that just sounds cool we know what it is we’re doing and not wasting our time and energy.
Measurements give us clarity so that we can CELEBRATE when we’ve achieved what we wanted – to-do lists pair great with Ta-Done Lists!
Attainable goals make sense, despite our perfectionist parts trying to tell us we “should do it all” we have to set goals we can actually achieve so we get the boost of dopamine from accomplishing them!
Relevant ensures what we’re going after is aligned with our values, needs, and wants – taking the time to ask why is this a goal can help ensure we’re in Self Leadership, or at least communicating with the part of ourselves pursuing the goal.
Time-binding your goal gives you accountability and grounds the goal in reality. But, we also have no idea how long some goals may take, or they may take years which kind of renders the time-bound part ineffective. Not to mention, personally and professionally, I have witnessed the “time” part of our goal setting induce panic, struggle, shame, blame, and stress. YUCK.
So, my clever client and I want to offer you F- Flexible.
Flexible goals take into consideration your energy level at the present moment you are working on the goal. Did you sleep well? Have you eaten? Hydrated? Is there something else in the way that needs changing or doing first? Is the person assigned to helping you available? Anything can enter the flexible category because it’s, well, flexible.
“It makes baby steps possible, because goals are flexible and based on your present reality, not just what’s written on the paper.”
Tack on BD at the end for “Breaking it Down” boosts the flexibility mind-set and gives us permission to do what we’re capable of in the moment – which really, who is asking you for more? Well…society is!
It’s important to note that all of this may sound great, but the reality most of us are in is a toxicly productive “you’re worth is based on your output” capatilism ideal. When women are expected to be She-eo’s and Best Mom Ever it can make it hard to allow yourself to “just make the bed” in the morning and consider that clean. When gender fluid or racialized people have to fight off constant microaggressions daily, their ability to put their best foot forward is impacted. The outrageous male beauty standards we see in media today could make a desire to feel healthy and at home in one’s body a task rife with self-conscious and shaming self-talk.
When the environment we’re surrounded with bombards us with messages of “you’re not good enough” and then supplies us with the solutions of “buy buy buy” and “do do do” it can be incredibly difficult to accept things like SMARF-BD Goals as tools we’re allowed to use.
We are human BE-ings, not human DO-ings.
If you feel this way, first of all please know you are absolutely not alone. This is personal work I have been doing for years to aid the parts of my system like Inner Critic, Perfectionism, and People Pleasing to trust my Self-Leadership and allow me to achieve my goals in my own neurospicy fashion.
I’m here to support you on that journey if you’d like. Whether you want to work on your personal, practical, large, small, weird, or just plain taking forever and gosh can’t someone else just DO THE THING for me please?!, goals, I’m here to help.
And if you already have a support network helping with this, then share the concept of SMARF-BD with them and do yourselves the favor of inviting more flexibility into this toxicly productive world. You’re worth more than your goals my lovely little human, simply breathing can be more than enough for today and I’m proud of you and thankful to you for reading my words.
Ashleigh Lucas
